Like mother, like daughter?
Daughters are powerfully influenced by their mothers. They are regularly compared with their mothers, too. From the habits and talents that we share with our moms to how our daughters physically resemble us, there is no doubt that moms are seen as natural comparisons for their daughters: “She’s your mini-me,” or “She has your sense of humor!” Have you ever found yourself pointing out these mother-daughter similarities, whether about celebrities, women you see in daily life, or perhaps your own daughter?
Common (and seemingly harmless) behaviors are related to negative body image
Our everyday social interactions may perpetuate body dissatisfaction; men play a large role in objectifying women, and women themselves contribute to poor body image in other women. Although many of these behaviors are well-intentioned, they can sabotage our attempts to foster healthy body image in ourselves and others. Unfortunately, this fact is true of mother-daughter relationships as well.
We can’t really be faulted for these behaviors that perpetuate body dissatisfaction; after all, we may be unaware of what we are doing, or some of the behaviors may even seem socially desirable. Still, most moms want their daughters to have healthy attitudes toward their bodies. As we discuss in our Beyond Body Positive, our book for moms on how to foster healthy body image development in their daughters, adjusting these behaviors is important for the benefit of the next generation of women who are currently learning from us.
What are some of the things we moms do that can undermine healthy body image in our daughters, and what might we do instead?
1. Participating heavily in appearance culture
Many women want to look their best and enjoy following fashion, hair, and beauty trends. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that—being aware of cultural appearance standards is advantageous socially and helps us feel “in touch” with others. And it is just plain fun for many women!
But being overly invested in appearance culture sends the wrong message to your daughter. Prioritizing adherence to the culture’s beauty standards communicates to your daughter that living up to these expectations for appearance is an especially important part of your self-concept.
What to do instead? Be mindful that your daughter observes and learns from you and how you participate in social media (even when you think she isn’t paying attention). The people you follow and the influence you give to celebrity and social media influencers are a model for your daughter’s own behaviors. Participate in social media responsibly by modeling moderation and being selective about your choices. Your daughter will learn to do so as well.
2. Engaging in self-surveillance behaviors
All of us experience appearance concerns from time to time; perhaps we’ve gained weight or developed telltale signs of aging. When our self-concepts are overly defined by these concerns, we tend to monitor our adherence to cultural appearance norms and attempt to correct deviations from accepted standards.
Self-surveillance is linked with “appearance-fixing” behaviors, such as checking the mirror frequently. Girls see these behaviors, and they begin to emulate them as well. And moms who frequently monitor their appearance tend to have daughters who participate in teen appearance culture (Tiggemann & Slater, 2014).
What to do instead? Steady consumption of beauty hacks and tutorials effectively trains girls and young women to prioritize appearance in their own self-concepts. Moms can opt out by de-emphasizing appearance focus, prioritising instead the goals of increasing personal, social, and creative abilities and skills. In doing so, they will teach their daughters to do the same.
3. Conveying judgmental attitudes toward being overweight
Keeping a healthy body weight is a priority for many women, and this is a worthy goal. But, for some women, weight can become a standard for judging an “ideal” appearance. For example, women who are extensively involved in social media are more likely to internalize the “thin ideal” (Mingoia et al. 2017), which is related to problematic behaviors such as chronic food restriction. Some women even show a “fear of fat” (Crandall, 1994), which is a preoccupation with avoiding weight gain, becoming overweight, or becoming obese.
Moms who are worried about their weight tend to worry about their children’s weight as well (Jaffe & Woroby, 2006). Voicing these concerns is associated with future weight gain in their daughters (Hunger & Tomimaya, 2014), so not only are such comments hurtful, but they are also ineffective at promoting health behaviors.
What to do instead? Moms can shift their focus from weight to the healthy functioning of the body. Focusing on what our bodies can do (i.e., increasing strength and physical abilities) rather than how they appear is the essence of the body functionality message (Alleva & Tylka, 2021). To truly achieve goals for becoming healthier, this perspective is one worth modeling for your daughter’s own healthy body image.