Transitions back to school after summer can be stressful and emotional, or exciting but exhausting. With some forethought and planning, simple strategies can ease the transition for the whole family.
1. Prioritize Everyone’s Sleep
Sleep is the foundation of our emotional resilience. When we have under-slept, coping with anything is harder.
When you prioritize your children’s sleep and yours, everyone’s emotional fuse will be longer.
To adjust to the new schedule, commit to early nights for everyone in the first two weeks back. Work backwards from bedtime to make an effective plan. For example, ask yourself:
“What time should dinner be if we want a calm, unhurried evening? What do I need to do to have dinner ready by then? What do I need to do, and not do, once my kids are asleep so I have an early night and feel adequately wound down myself?”
2. Create Quiet Mid-Week Routines That Both You and Your Child Enjoy
Most of us know the feeling of post-vacation blues. The thought of it being almost a full year before summer break rolls around again can be deflating.
Create simple mid-week routines that you associate with the transition back to school or with school weeks in general. This will help avoid the trap of living for the weekend.
Your routines should be enjoyable for everyone involved. Examples: giving each other a hand massage with lotion as part of your bedtime routine, reading aloud or doing a mini meditation together at bedtime, or making a favorite food for their lunchbox the first week back to school.
A kid who is growing up may enjoy routines that help them feel like a little kid again. Kids often enjoy having books read to them that seem aimed at younger children as a way to relax.
Consider a low-key Wednesday routine to mark the midpoint of the week, like hitting up a coffee shop for a sleep-friendly beverage and relaxed people watching after school.
3. Minimize Telling Them to Hurry Up
A great way to turn an activity that’s pleasant or neutral into one that’s unpleasant is to make it time-pressured. Consider what needs to happen so you’re not chronically rushing your children. For example, if you frequently hear yourself saying, “Hurry up and get out to the car,” or “Hurry up and finish your food,” you might want to rethink the timing.
Design your routines so you’re not rushed, which can cause unnecessary stress and unpleasantness.
For example, if you regularly go to the grocery store with your children, how can you make that an enjoyable, non-rushed experience?
4. Don’t Judge Your Child for Their Capacity to Adjust
Transitions themselves are a stressor, regardless of whether they’re a positive or negative transition.
As an elementary-school child, I had an incredibly hard time at the start of the new school year whenever I had to change teachers. I remember having a sore tummy from anxiety many times in the week before school reopened.
However, this did not predict how I would handle change as an adult. As an adult, I’m good at adjusting to change, including having moved to new countries twice. As a child though, I got very attached to my teachers. I never wanted to leave a teacher I’d become attached to.
To understand why transitions are hard, keep in mind this explanation of how anxiety works: Whenever we take a break from anything challenging, our anxiety tends to build, even if the break wasn’t chosen. For example, if you take a break from a challenging sport due to injury, you may become anxious about getting back into it. This happens even when the break wasn’t your choice, like a gymnast who becomes hesitant after time away due to injury.
There can be lots of reasons one child might find it harder to adjust back to school than others (attachment style in my case). It doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll struggle with change as an adult.
5. Create an Annual Back-to-School Routine for Yourself
As a parent, you’ll set the tone for the back-to-school season. Author Gretchen Rubin uses the phrase “September is the other January” to illustrate that August or September (depending on the school district) is a time of fresh start for families in the northern hemisphere.
Consider creating an annual tradition for yourself that helps you keep your emotional cup full in the first two weeks your children are back at school. What would help you be a calm, consistent, and relaxed presence for your child during this time of transition for all of you?
It could be anything. For example, your back-to-school tradition could be to break out new sheets and pillows for yourself to give yourself a mental boost. Or, you get a cleaning service to help you get your home back into shape after everyone has been home for the summer.
Temporary habits can be useful. Maybe you don’t usually meal prep, but you do meal prep for back-to-school week to give yourself some breathing space.
Your Stress Level and Your Child’s Will Influence Each Other
As parents, our wish for our children is that they have a wonderful and enriching school year filled with learning and friendships.
Some children will need extra support, especially in years when they’re starting a new school or leaving a beloved teacher. They might also need more support if a close friend is no longer in their class or if they’re going through other changes like puberty.
Supporting yourself through this annual change in routines will help you be a better support for your child, and ensure you don’t add stress by being rushed, tired, or short-tempered. Whether your child is excited or anxious about going back to school, a few thoughtful strategies can ease the transition for you and them.